By Sasha Medvedovskaya
You may imagine awakening to be an experience of more and more Peace, Joy, and Love. You may think that its magic will solve all your problems. Definitely, awakening is, in itself, Bliss. But many people say that it is also something entirely unexpected.
In my experience, the process of awakening can be challenging and disorienting. As you are awakening to Reality, it means that everything you knew before starts to fall away. There are fewer things, ideas, and concepts you can rely on. And you begin to discredit the mind, with all its beliefs and labels.
Suddenly, you look around and see that there is nothing…literally nothing…to grab on to. It feels like being suspended in the air with no ground beneath your feet. You may feel confused or even frightened. Instead of finding yourself in paradise, you experience the destruction of the world as you knew it.
Your ego is deconstructing, and fear, resistance, and even depression may arise. From the ego’s perspective, Truth is boring or dangerous—as awakening “frees” you from the ego’s clutches. But, if you are looking for Truth, you have to discredit everything that is not Real.
This process may not be pleasant. Outer goals that you used to aspire for stop making sense. You may not know what to do, how to act, how to make plans…
It’s essential to stay focused on your inner goal, on your longing for Truth. If your attention is there, it doesn’t matter what you do—whether completing an important project or simply washing the dishes—it’s all important, it’s all divine when it comes from that deep aspiration for Truth.
If you keep letting go and allow this process of “destruction” to unfold, at some point, you’ll recognize that in this uncertainty there is profound Freedom. What you may have perceived as insecurity becomes unlimited Trust. What appeared to be emptiness is revealed as Completeness, as an immense space full of Love.
Yet, it requires courage and a constant practice of surrender to face the destruction of your world.
And, when everything finally falls apart, the only remaining “ground” beneath your feet is the centeredness in the Heart: “I am… I am…”
I AM… and that is enough.
Sasha is a Hridaya teacher and the founder of Hridaya Family, a center near San Cristóbal de las Casas, Mexico.